To all the mamas of littles who find yourself struggling: you are seen. I’ve been there in so many different ways. Whether you are a SAHM or a mama who finds joy and fulfillment working outside the home, both are good. And YOU are doing a great job. God has called you to whatever season you are in for a specific reason. You were created specifically to be the mother of your children and however you work best for your family is important.

I am currently somewhat of a hybrid mom. I work two days a week as a nurse practitioner (since I went to school for so long ya know?) But my heart and my passion lies with my children. Some days it is really hard to find joy in ALL the things. Some days I feel like I’ve got this and crush it. But most days if I am honest with myself, I am just surviving and not thriving. On my “off days” I balance my time around my three girls’ schedules. I want them to know that I was present when I had the chance to be. I edit photos and operate my business while they are sleeping, which means a lot of late nights and early mornings and busting it out during nap-time (of which my oldest doesn’t nap anymore!!). Those days look like a lot of interrupted work time responding to emails and inquiries for photoshoots when I can, editing 5 photos here, 10 photos there, prepping social media posts in batches and scheduling them to autopost later. Owning a small business while having three young kids and working part time in the health care career I chose to educate myself on has its challenges, but it is also insanely rewarding for my mental health and creative outlet.

I started this photography business a few years ago after I thought I would be a SAHM. Turns out, that wasn’t for me and God created me to work in a different way while loving my children JUST as much! I have found through lots of personal emotional conflicts and a process of finding my true passions, that I am a better mom when I give myself time out of the house and come back a little less burned out from the constant crying/tantrums/diapers/laundry/etc. My initial goal of my photography business was to encourage new moms through newborn photography and be a resource for my clients who felt like no one understood their post-partum emotions. This is truly a mission mindset that God called me to, and I cannot tell you how happy it makes me when a previous client texts me randomly about something we happened to discuss during their session. I have branched out over the past year and taken on a lot more than I ever intended, but I have also grown in so many ways! Through busy-ness over the past several months I have founf myself slipping into autopilot and going through the motions without finding the same joys as I once did. Until recently, I have been guilty of constantly overcommitting myself maybe unintentionally as an escape from life?? But now I understand the power of the word “NO.” It is hard to disappoint people, but sometimes preserving your “yeses” can be life giving.

I recently got into Audiobooks, and my most recent listen is Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequest and as an Enneagram 1, I highly recommend. Here is a quote that really brought some perspective to me:

“If you’re not careful with your yeses, you start to say no to some very important things without even realizing it. In my rampant “yes yes yessing” I said no without intending to, to rest, to peace, to groundedness, to listening, to deep and slow connection built over years instead of moments. All my yeses brought me to a shallow way of living. An exhausted frantic lifestyle that actually ended up having little resemblance to that deep brave yes I was searching for. And so if you, like me, have said too many yeses, and found that all that hopeful exciting, wide open intention has actually left you scraped raw and empty, the word that can change everything is: NO. I know, I don’t like it either. YES is fun and sparkly, and printed on tote bags. NO. What if you saw someone wearing a sweatshirt that just said NO? I do not want to sit next to that bundle of fun. But NO became the scalpel I wielded as I remade my life slicing through the tender tissue of what needed to go, and what I wanted to remain. My mentors words rang in my ears, ‘stop right now and remake your life from the inside out.’ I don’t know a way to remake anything without first taking down the existing structures, and then that’s what NO does. It puts the brakes on your screaming fast life, and gives you a chance to stop and inspect exactly what you’ve created for yourself, as difficult as that might be.”

So here is your reminder to drop the mom guilt, let go of overcommitments, stop the internal shaming and comparison trap, put down your phone when it’s play time, & join in the fun with your kids when you can. And if you sometimes have to miss out on some important things, remember that you are allowing someone who also loves your children to have an opportunity to serve you in caring for them (ie. grandparents, childcare workers, babysitters who desperately need gas money, etc etc). Always remember that you and only you can write your story. This is a safe space and no negative comments/feedback will be allowed. I encourage you to share your struggles openly and find vulnerable conversations with your close friends because you never know what others are internalizing. Being open and talking about your feelings is honestly the best medicine. If this was helpful to you and you want more community on this topic, my church Shades Mountain Baptist Church has a new group meeting for mothers who need encouragement and I would love for you to join me.

As always, please reach out anytime if you need someone to vent to! I am your secret BFF, encourager, confidant, and biggest fan! Cheers to all the mamas tackling all the extra long to-do lists today. May your coffee (and maybe a little wine later) be stronger than your toddler(s) attitude.